Self Care During the Holidays
From the end of October to the end of December, North Americans celebrate a LOT of holidays! Samhain, All Saints Day and All Souls Day, Die de los Muertos, Diwali, Thanksgiving, Advent, Hanukkah, Las Posadas, Yule, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day…the list goes on. Holidays are filled with celebration, festivities, food, and connecting with people. With all of that outward-focused joy comes less time for inward-focused self care. And while there are seasons for everything and it’s totally natural to shift into more energy for social celebrations during this time, it’s important to think about how you want to care for your body as well.
Completely ignoring your body’s very real needs for several weeks or months intensifies the hard cultural shift into rigorous self care in January. In the interest of softening that shift and creating more connection and balance throughout your holidays and leading into the new year, hear is a simple strategy to navigate the holidays with more peace and self trust.
But first:
Let’s get grounded.
In order to participate fully in this process, you’ll need to suspend your thoughts of the future and the past, and focus on the present. You’ll also need access to some level of awareness of your body’s needs. You can do both of these things by taking one or more of the following actions:
take a deep breath (or three!)
wiggle your toes
sip some water or tea
look out the window and find something green to focus on for a minute
wrap up in a blanket and cozy socks
say “right now is just for me”
Ok, time to assess.
First, make a list of all the external events in your holiday season. Include any holiday-related events and time commitments. Mine looks like this:
November 25-27 - Thanksgiving food prep and dinner
December 13 - annual dinner and light-looking with husband’s brother and his wife
December 20 - Halepalooza (my mom’s side of the family Christmas gathering)
December 21 - host Christmas brunch for our immediate family
December 21 - host a Yule gathering for friends in the evening
December 22 - take my niece to see a local production of Frozen, the Musical
TBD - walk around a town square to see Christmas lights
TBD - watch Christmas movies
(To be honest, this is a lot. And this is a pretty chill year for me. I may have a problem with overcommitment.)
What does your list look like?
Next, make a list of your holiday-related tasks. Include any time or mental energy you have to spend outside the norm. Also note who is inherently helping you, and where you might need assistance completing the task. Part of my list looks like this:
find an outfit to wear on Thanksgiving (I don’t shop often and had nothing that felt suitable, ended up with a dress from the thrift store that I love!)
bake pies for Thanksgiving
make turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and gravy
reset furniture after the floors get installed (big house repair finally got done right before Thanksgiving)
get Christmas tree set up (usually husband does this but he was out of town and I decided to do it myself)
put lights on the tree
make tree decorations (I’m trying dried orange slice and cinnamon stick garlands this year)
reach out to family to figure out Christmas brunch availability
send out Christmas brunch & Yule party invites
plan food for brunch
deep clean various home areas
notice and address any little repairs that need to be taken care of before brunch, get neighbor (he’s a contractor) to fix them
make a grocery shopping list for both events
shop for food (will do a pickup or deliver order)
wash/cut/measure as much as possible before the weekend of the 20th/21st so the weekend is smoother
food prep and arranging on the 21st
Side note - Some of these tasks are done by my husband while I assist, and some are done primarily by me with his assistance. He also does the majority of our day-to-day meal prep, so the holiday food planning is actually something fun and creative for me. Having a competent life partner significantly extends the volume of what I can do. This list would be much shorter without him!
What does your list look like?
Ok, that was the easy part, but it is a bit mentally tiring. Take a moment to reground yourself. You may need a break before continuing.
Up next: assess what you want your internal experiences to be during the holidays. This is the part where you list everything you want out of the holiday season. What will help you relax more, enjoy more, and feel more at peace? I’ve divided this concept into three categories:
1) What do I want to see?
2) What do I want to feel?
3) What do I want to do?
“What do I want to see” is probably the easiest category to fill out. It can include anything you want to encounter visually during this season: the aesthetic of your home, holiday media you want to consume, your appearance, outings to specific locations to see unique sights, etc. My list looks like this:
simmer pots
candles
low light evenings
greenery
twinkle lights
family & friends
“What do I want to feel” includes sensory experiences, emotions, and other less tangible things than your first list. My list looks like this:
cute & comfy at events
no rushing
hydrated &solid
moments of quiet
fully awake & present
reflecting on the past
anticipating the future
“What do I want to do” includes any activities that aren’t on your list of commitments, that you personally want to experience or take action to do. This list is for your personal satisfaction, not obligation to anyone else. My list looks like this:
sing and listen to Christmas music (modern and ancient)
time outside
seasonal recipes
simple lifting plan
reading
volunteering at animal shelter
donate to community fridge
What do your lists look like?
This is a lot of lists! But you need ONE MORE before we are ready to start our holiday self care plan.
The final list is a “bare minimum” list. This list is less of a task list and more of an “essentials” list. Everything on this list helps you feel more like yourself. To make this list, consider:
What can you absolutely not live without this season?
What does your body need to get through this season?
On January 1st, what will you look back and be really disappointed you didn’t do, see, or feel?
Examples of things your “bare minimum” list could include:
hydrating drinks
movement that feels good
nourishing food
treats that bring you joy
time with family/friends
time alone
Ok, now you need to integrate all of these things! The easiest way to do that is to see all of these items on your lists as puzzle pieces. In order to do that, each item on your lists needs to be moveable, as you figure out where it needs to go in your plan. A few ways you can do this:
sticky notes
flash cards
Trello cards
new lists in a notebook or planner
Take a few minutes to get everything on your lists transferred to whichever option you’ve chosen. The exception is the new lists in notebook/planner - just start making those new lists as we go along the following steps.
Next, take your sticky notes, flash cards, or Trello cards, and put them in the following pile/column/new list:
Events, tasks, or things you want to see/do that are the most challenging for you to do/participate in
Events, tasks, or things you want to see/do that are the easiest for you to do/participate in
All the events/tasks/things that lie in between (not too hard, not too easy)
Everything else (emotions, sensations, mindsets, etc.)
As you make these new categories, reflect on each item. Are there any tasks you actually DON’T need to do during this time? Can anything be delayed until January? If so, get rid of those items. This reduces overwhelm and makes you more likely to be successful at doing the things that matter.
Let’s look at the pile of the easiest things. Which tasks you could get done and cross of the list TODAY? Put those in your calendar/planner/to-do list for today.
Next, put of all your holiday events in your calendar/planner. As you write each event in, also notate buffer time before and after to allow you transition into and recover from each event. The buffer could be a whole day or half day, or even a couple of hours, depending on the length and intensity of the event. Buffer time is for absolute (non-screen) rest, and bare-minimum self care tasks.
Then, look at your “bare minimum” list. Where can you incorporate these things? Spread them out between now and the end of the year in your calendar/planner. This is easiest if you use sticky notes or Trello cards, because you may need to adjust their placement as you add in other things.
Now zoom out a bit and look at a whole month. What upcoming days/weeks will you have the most empty space? The weeks that have the fewest events and buffer times. Those weeks are when your most challenging tasks should take place. Assign each of your most difficult tasks to a day or week according to how labor intensive they are, and write them in.
Then, see where your list of “want to see/feel” fits. What weeks can you add in a plan for rest, fun, challenge, or joy, just for you?
Next, look at your list of easy tasks (the one you already combed for options for today). Assign the rest of the easy tasks nearest your events/buffers, so that even if you have last-minute changes or challenges, or need extra recovery time, your plans for those weeks are relatively easy.
Then, take your middle-effort list of tasks, and place them in your calendar/planner wherever there is space.
Take a moment to review the planner/calendar for the upcoming weeks. Does everything seem doable? Is there a week that is too crowded? Can any non-essential tasks be delayed, rescheduled, or cancelled to free up some time and mental energy? Go ahead and take care of that.
Finally, identify who you can ask for support in getting all this done.
Who can help you with the most challenging items?
Who can help you feel the way you want to feel this season?
Who can help you plan, shop, and prep for events?
Help can include:
Asking them to do all or part of the task for you
Periodic accountability check-ins from them throughout the process of you doing the task
Encouragement/support from them while you do the task
Making the task part of a fun get-together, where you work together on it
Now add “ask ___ for help” to your “today” list of tasks. You don’t have to do it all on your own!
Next steps:
1) Do your “today” list TODAY, including asking for help on the hard tasks. Don’t put it off.
2) Review your “bare minimum” list daily to remind you of what’s most important to you. If there are simple items on that list, try to do them as often as you can.
3) Review the “how I want to feel” list before you approach each event and challenging task. What can you adjust to make the experience feel more like you want it to?
You’ve got this!
Self care is hard sometimes. You are capable of doing hard things. Your future self will thank you for your efforts.
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season and a Merry Christmas,
~ Sarah